Cooler Than Me

You got designer shades just to hide your face
And you wear them around like you're cooler than me.
And you never say hey or remember my name.
Its probably cuz, you think you're cooler than me.

You got your high brows; shoes on your feet,
And you wear them around like they ain’t shit.
But you don’t know the way that you look
when your steps make
That

Much

Noise.


To the people who have hurt me, never believed in me, or just looked past me like I didn’t matter:

…This is for you.

I used to think you were the ones who mattered. The ones who would decide if I would be good enough. The ones that I wanted to be like. I lived to impress you because I thought I would find me through you. I thought I could disguise myself so well that I would transform into something great when I was around you. I thought I would have friends and loves and fun.

I was wrong.

You were the ones that helped me to lose myself even more. You were the ones who pretended to like me or put up with me because you thought you had to. No one wanted to be the reason why I hurt myself.

I am not here to blame or to judge. We were young and naïve. We didn’t know any better…or did we? I guess we’ll never know. And truly, I don’t really want to know. I want to believe that we were just stupid back then.

Truthfully, I am somewhat thankful for my past. It has been a long hard road to get me to where I am today, but I wouldn’t be me without it. I wouldn’t know who I want to be without meeting the people I know I don’t want to be like. I think we learn that the most…what we don’t want to be.

Now I know that I don’t want to be hurtful, judgmental, passive, or jealous. I don’t want to be a show-off. I don’t want to be someone I’m not. I just want to be Kat. The girl who loves life. The girl who wants to be something amazing when she grows up, but won’t kill herself trying to be perfect. I want to love and be loved, wear a bathing suit in public, laugh, scream, cry, and dance. I want to live with purpose and walk with intention. I just want to matter. And I do. But not because some one likes me or hates me or talks to me or doesn’t. I matter because I am human. Because I have the chance to wake up every day and do something different than the last.

So next time you pretend like you don’t know me (or someone else for that matter), remember that I am a person too. I matter just as much as you do. And do me a favor… just take a step back for a minute and think about how you look. Think about what a bitch you look like for doing what you’re doing. But also remember that I really don’t care anymore. I have moved on and am living my life while you are worried about ignoring me.


But you don’t know the way that you look
when your steps make
That

Much

Noise.

Shh.