one.step.at.a.time

I haven’t written since the end of August… It is now October and the smell of fall is in the air. Time to get writing!!!

Fall is definitely my favorite time of year. It is a season of change and couldn’t we all use a little change in our lives? I know I could.

This season has brought about many changes for me: Living at home.A new boyfriend.Being the caretaker for my mother.A new job.Pondering a career change.Thinking about writing a book. All of these things have both positive and negative effects as all events of change do. Sometimes we don’t know how to feel about something that seems so great, but yet brings us so much stress.

Take the career change…
I have been thinking for awhile that I may not want to be a teacher for the
rest of my life. Shocking, huh? It was for me too. Don’t get me wrong…I love
kids and I definitely like the job I have right now, but something is
missing.

Passion.

It’s as simple as that. My passion is not what it once was. I keep asking myself, “What if I’m meant to do so much more?” And in my mind, if I am asking myself that question than there must be something else out there for me. But in thinking about all of the greatness I could accomplish in this new endeavor, I also think about how many things could go wrong. What if I fail? What if I don’t have the money to go back to school? What if I never find something I’m passionate about? What if…{You fill in the blank.}

Someone told me recently that I have so many great ideas and instead of taking them one step at a time, I get so overwhelmed that I do nothing. As much as I wanted to disagree with her, I couldn’t. She was absolutely right. I want to do so much and be amazing at so many things that I forget the here and now. I forget that my life is passing me by while I plan and plan and plan my life in my head.

So today’s the day I stop. Today I’ll live for today and realize that my lifelong career plan, or life plan for that matter, will not get worked right now. That’s not to say that I can’t take small steps to make the changes I want to me. It just means I don’t have to do it all. As a friend of mine used to say, “Gray is my favorite color.”

So remember this quote from one of my first entries…
“But the truth is, it’s not the size of the event.place.thing.idea that makes the difference, it’s the size of the feeing it gives you when you do it. A positive.negative.unknown feeling, it doesn’t matter, as long as it makes you feel meaningful. I think they call it passion.”

I’ll make it there….I’m sure of it. It will just take a little more soul-searching, persistence, and taking it one.step.at.a.time.